Not Really a Compliment
To understand this blog, I have to tell you a little about my mental health. Which doesn't bother me as much as it might bother others.
In a nutshell, I have been diagnosed with anxiety and depression. I take medication and I see a therapist. The anxiety is much easier to control than previously. It still rears its ugly head from time to time and I have to fight to keep it from overwhelming me but I do okay.
The depression, on the other hand, is a monster that I have a much more difficult time handling. It's always there under the surface and there are times when it's worse than others. My depression is marked by a loss of appetite and weight loss and a more reserved and quiet me.
So, anyway, a few nights ago I went to an end of the year get together with classmates and professors. Everyone was happy to see me as I don't have classes this semester so I have been MIA, so to speak. During this get together someone remarked that I looked good; that I'd lost weight. I replied that I hadn't been trying and the person remarked, "Well, whatever you're doing keep doing it."
At that moment, I had a choice. I could 1) let the comment sail by me, smiling and nodding in agreement or 2) I could be discomfort inducing honest with the person. I opted for honest because misery likes company, I don't know, I guess.
I looked the person straight in the eye and said, "I'm going through a serious depression and am not eating much or at all at times." Their face went blank then embarrassed because complimenting my weight loss should be a compliment, especially for someone my size, right? Oh yea, I forgot to mention, I'm also fat. And as a fat person, I should be trying to lose weight and I should be happy when someone compliments my weight loss.
Except, I'm not trying to lose weight. I'm trying to make sure I eat rather than just sleep or stare into space. I'm trying to keep breathing even though I'm suffocating. I'm just trying to survive. Which means telling me I look good having lost weight and that I should "keep doing what I'm doing" is not really a compliment.
I know compliments about weight loss are well meaning and some people (those who are actually trying to lose weight) appreciate those compliments. But unless you know for a fact that the person is trying to shed some pounds maybe find something else to compliment them on; maybe compliment their hair, or clothes or shoes. Otherwise, you might be flashing a light on a personal battle.
In a nutshell, I have been diagnosed with anxiety and depression. I take medication and I see a therapist. The anxiety is much easier to control than previously. It still rears its ugly head from time to time and I have to fight to keep it from overwhelming me but I do okay.
The depression, on the other hand, is a monster that I have a much more difficult time handling. It's always there under the surface and there are times when it's worse than others. My depression is marked by a loss of appetite and weight loss and a more reserved and quiet me.
So, anyway, a few nights ago I went to an end of the year get together with classmates and professors. Everyone was happy to see me as I don't have classes this semester so I have been MIA, so to speak. During this get together someone remarked that I looked good; that I'd lost weight. I replied that I hadn't been trying and the person remarked, "Well, whatever you're doing keep doing it."
At that moment, I had a choice. I could 1) let the comment sail by me, smiling and nodding in agreement or 2) I could be discomfort inducing honest with the person. I opted for honest because misery likes company, I don't know, I guess.
I looked the person straight in the eye and said, "I'm going through a serious depression and am not eating much or at all at times." Their face went blank then embarrassed because complimenting my weight loss should be a compliment, especially for someone my size, right? Oh yea, I forgot to mention, I'm also fat. And as a fat person, I should be trying to lose weight and I should be happy when someone compliments my weight loss.
Except, I'm not trying to lose weight. I'm trying to make sure I eat rather than just sleep or stare into space. I'm trying to keep breathing even though I'm suffocating. I'm just trying to survive. Which means telling me I look good having lost weight and that I should "keep doing what I'm doing" is not really a compliment.
I know compliments about weight loss are well meaning and some people (those who are actually trying to lose weight) appreciate those compliments. But unless you know for a fact that the person is trying to shed some pounds maybe find something else to compliment them on; maybe compliment their hair, or clothes or shoes. Otherwise, you might be flashing a light on a personal battle.
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