Becoming a Rape Advocate -- Day 3 & Day 4
This week I had two days of training --Tuesday and Wednesday. While there are more facts I could give, I decided I wanted to talk about emotions.
The first day of training our trainer told us that for some of us, who might be survivors, some of the information we were going to be given might trigger us. She assured us that if we didn't feel we could handle it, we could quit, no one would be angry or upset with us. After that, two women dropped the class.
On Tuesday, we talked more about the victims of rape, the process of collecting information and evidence, and what our role as an advocate would be. We also learned about the physical evidence of abuse and rape such as bruise, tearing, etc. Some of it was entertaining. I learned a lot more about the hymen but that's for another blog at another time.
As we were being told about strangulation, it happen, I felt triggered. I felt a wave of anxiety wash over me; thousands of little pins scattering over my skin. I clasped my shaking hands together, crossed my legs at my ankles and just waited for it all to be over; to move onto a new subject.
Talking about it yesterday, I told the instructor that I'd felt triggered but decided not to leave the room. While she asusred me that I oculd have walked out and no one would be upset I told her I didn't want to leave. I wasn't going to be able to leave when a victim came in and talked about their experience because the victim would need me. So, I had to learn how to seperate myself from my feelings and focus on being there for the victim. Maybe, I was wrong or too self-sacrificing, I don't know. I do know that I just want to do my best and be the advocate I would have wanted when I was a victim.
The first day of training our trainer told us that for some of us, who might be survivors, some of the information we were going to be given might trigger us. She assured us that if we didn't feel we could handle it, we could quit, no one would be angry or upset with us. After that, two women dropped the class.
On Tuesday, we talked more about the victims of rape, the process of collecting information and evidence, and what our role as an advocate would be. We also learned about the physical evidence of abuse and rape such as bruise, tearing, etc. Some of it was entertaining. I learned a lot more about the hymen but that's for another blog at another time.
As we were being told about strangulation, it happen, I felt triggered. I felt a wave of anxiety wash over me; thousands of little pins scattering over my skin. I clasped my shaking hands together, crossed my legs at my ankles and just waited for it all to be over; to move onto a new subject.
Talking about it yesterday, I told the instructor that I'd felt triggered but decided not to leave the room. While she asusred me that I oculd have walked out and no one would be upset I told her I didn't want to leave. I wasn't going to be able to leave when a victim came in and talked about their experience because the victim would need me. So, I had to learn how to seperate myself from my feelings and focus on being there for the victim. Maybe, I was wrong or too self-sacrificing, I don't know. I do know that I just want to do my best and be the advocate I would have wanted when I was a victim.
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