Becoming a Rape Advocate – Day 2

This week I attended the second training day to become a Rape Advocate.  We had two assistant district attorneys from the county come and speak to us about the difficulties of prosecuting rape and sexual assault cases as well as the process of trying a perpetrator.  I figured I’d share some of the information I was given. 

This information can be found here.

They got this information from RAINN, which is the nation’s largest anti-sexual violence organization.  You can check out the stats and get more information on their website www.rainn.org. 

Additionally, they shared that 36% of rapes are among family or intimates and 42% of rapes are among friends or acquaintances.  So basically, a victim of rape and sexual assault is more likely to know the person than not. 

So what does all this mean?  Well, it means that perpetrators of sexual violence are less likely to go to prison than other criminals.  And in the majority of sexual assault cases the victims have named their rapist unlike victims of robbery who rarely know the identity of the perpetrator.  The DA’s told us that sexual violence crimes are some of the hardest to try and even more difficult to receive a conviction. 

I’m sure you’re asking why, if victims name the person who assaulted them, is it so hard to convict more of these people?  Well, all you really have to do is check out social media.  Every day we are treated to stories about victims of rape who didn’t report immediately and those who do/did report are basically raked over the coals – accused of bringing it on themselves by virtue of the clothes they are wearing, their levels of intoxication, etc.  Those who don’t report immediately are accused of lying in order to ruin a person’s life, to gain money and/or fame, etc.  The stories of men false accused are dredged back up as if this is the majority of what happens in rape cases rather than the minority.  And just to remind everyone, only 2-8% of sexual assault accusations are false.  So which is more likely? 

As a survivor, I can tell you that I was scared, confused, and ashamed.  I didn’t know what to do or say.  I was afraid of what would happen if I said anything.  I was afraid I wouldn’t be believed or that nothing would be done.   

From the RAINN website (based on information gathered from victims from 2005-2010):

• 20% feared retaliation
• 13% believed the police would not do anything to help
• 2% believed the police could not do anything to help

This month is Sexual Violence Awareness Month.  I ask that people do their research, listen to the stories of survivors with open minds and open hearts rather than cynicism and judgment.  Please wear teal to bring awareness, volunteer at a women’s shelter, and do research about sexual violence against women and children. 

Becoming a Rape Advocate -- Day 1

Last Friday I went to my first training class to become a rape advocate.  Training is a month long processes, meeting once a week for several hours.  Friday was one of two all day trainings.  And it was packed with information.  Some of you might be asking what a rape advocate does and if it’s paying job.  To answer the second question first, it’s a volunteer position and while it does not pay monetarily he does pay in other better ways.  The answer to the first question is a lot harder than it sounds.  A rape advocate is there for the victim, holding their hand and giving them unconditional support throughout the process. 

After my assault, I felt very alone, confused, and scared.  I didn’t know what to do or who to talk to about what had happen to me.  I didn’t have a rape advocate.  I didn’t even know what that was and I’m still not sure if that was even a thing back when I was assaulted.  I do know that I wish I’d had someone to talk to, to hold my hand, and to be there next to me unconditionally.  So now, as a survivor, I want to be that person for others, so they don’t have to be alone like I was at that time. 

I am scared that I might not be able to do a good job or that the memories of what happened to me will come back and interfere with my abilities.  However, I feel the training and seeing my therapist to talk through my thoughts and feelings will help me over the hurdles. 

As I said it was filled with a lot of info, I thought I’d share some of that here.  As most of these were quick notes I took I might be lacking locations but where possible I will note where the trainers found the information.    

In Texas

• It is illegal to have sex under the age of 17.
• It is illegal to have sex with someone who is under the influence – drugs and/or alcohol.
• It is illegal to have sex with someone with a mental disability that prevents them from understanding and giving consent. 

In General

• 18,112 cases of sexual assault were reported in 2017.
• There is a 4% to 8% chance a child is lying and only 2%-8% chance that an adult is fabricating a sexual assault.  That means between 92%-98% are telling the truth. 

 This month is Sexual Assault Awareness month.  The ribbon color is teal.  To learn more you can visit the National Sexual Violence Resource Center. 

Revamping Me...

For some time now, I’ve been thinking about my defunct blogs –Weesha’s World and Red Shoe Chronicles.  I remember being excited to be entering the blogging world.  I spent hours, days working on my blogs’ appearances.  I created schedules and started a topics list.  And I swore to myself both times that, “this time, it will happen”.  Then life got in the way and I stopped working, stopped writing.  

Several big and small things caused me to give up writing not just the blog but all creative writing.  The smaller reasons are easier to tackle.  I fell that if you want to do something you make the time for it.  Basically, I didn’t create the time to write.  I got lazy and put it off until I just didn’t bother anymore.  

There’s only one big reason I stopped writing.  I lost confidence in my ability to write.  You would think that earning a Masters of English in Creative Writing would have bolstered a person’s confidence, wouldn’t you?  Well, it did the opposite for me.  I have always had a difficult time with grammar, spelling, and punctuation.  I’m sure there’s going to be several typos in this post even after all the revising I do.  My difficulty stems from a combination of things that I didn’t realize I’d been dealing with all my life until I started see a new therapist.  Side note:  I truly love my therapist.  She forces me to keep my head up and my eyes open even when I’d rather stick my head in the sand.

 Anyway, through therapy, we realized that I more than likely have attention deficit disorder (ADD) which is widely seen as something that causes children (mainly boys) to run around screaming.  While this is a common behavior for some –girls as well as boys—with ADD and ADHD, there’s also the type that I have which is less disruptive to everyone around me but manages to rain such destruction down on me that the Mr. Mayhem would be impressed (insert pick of mayhem guy).  

Anyway, my form of ADD makes it difficult for me to concentrate.  And when I do manage to concentrate, I can become hyper-focused which means the place could be burning down around me and I wouldn’t notice.  Both states leave me exhausted, confused, and frazzled.  This meant that when I sat down to write I had difficulty constructing sentences that were grammatically correct with proper spelling and punctuation.  Revising helped but I never caught all my mistakes.  This wouldn’t  have been a big deal except my thesis depended on me ability to be as close to perfect as possible and I wasn’t.  While my thesis was accepted and I graduated, the feedback I received regarding my grammar was difficult to hear especially on repeat.  I’m not saying that it was unfair or uncalled for because it was true.  They were correct about my grammar and I harbor no ill will or hard feelings. 

I started spending an excessive amount of time focused on forming grammatically correct sentences and less time actually writing them down.  Until the thoughts and ideas in my head disappeared.  So, I stopped writing.

Four years ago, I applied and was accepted into the Clinical Rehabilitation Counseling program.  I was forced to start writing again.  Even if it was just academic papers, I was writing again.  And I started jotting down story ideas and wrote a few poems for shits ‘n giggles.  

I, also, started doing more research on self-esteem, body positivity, etc.  I started submitting proposals on Body Love/Body Positivity to conferences being held in my area and being accepted.  I started working with some amazing women on a summer writing workshop for teens.  And I rediscovered the pure joy of writing, fuck grammar, punctuation, and spelling.  Slowly, I gained my confidence back.

Now I’m back.  I was trying to decide what I wanted to do with this blog.  I thought about scraping both this one and Red Shoes.  In fact, I intended to figure out how to delete them both and create a new one.  But once I was logged in, I saw the old header and old background, and read some old blogs I’d posted I realized that while I have changed the core of who I am is still here.  I am still Weesha.  I’ve updated the look to reflect my current tastes but the content will still be what I intended six years ago – a cornucopia of thoughts and ideas to be read and enjoyed. 

So, buckle up everyone cause you’re in for a crazy ride.