New Plain of Adulthood
Last night two things happened. First, I learned that you should never be afraid to be who you are, share your thoughts and opinions because there are like minded people who are willing to help you achieve your goals. Second, I came to a realization about where and who I am today.
Last night I went to my friend's birthday dinner. The guests included several professors from the English department, which makes sense considering she is an adjunct in the department. But for some reason I hadn't really thought about the guest list. I was going to celebrate her birthday with her. So, when we got there and I saw some of the other guests I felt fairly intimidated. There were no less than three of my former professors there. These are people that I respect and want to be but have no idea how to even do that.
So, there I am watching and listening for a while until I finally decided I needed to just dive in and once I did it was pretty awesome. We talked about recent articles on NPR and in the New York Times online edition, students at the college, and thoughts on education. Everyone I talked to listened and shared their thoughts with me as an equal and not as a student getting ready to write a paper for them.
I was asked what I was doing now that I'd graduated and I explained that I was applying for adjunct positions and still working at my current job. I suffixed everything by saying that though I like my position, I have a masters and I shouldn't be a secretary. I was given two different offers of help and I'm going to take them as soon as possible. One was taking a class that would certify me to teach a tech writing class and the other was to guest lecture in a class which would earn me a recommendation if I can pull it off. I told them that I would definitely take them up on their offers to help and I will.
What's funny, is that earlier in the day I was speculating on how different my life would be if I wasn't so opinionated and outspoken. I've grown up with an inner conflict rolling around inside of me. There's the part of me who wants to be the Disney Princess who is always kind and caring and never fights and then there's the crazy warrior woman who scowls and shouts and always fights. I want so much to be that quiet and hardworking woman that people always talk about with admiration. "Oh she's the sweetest, most charming and demure person I know. When she stood up for a cause she was a lady doing it." However, most of the time I'm a loud mouth, "She's the most obnoxious, sarcastic bitch I know. She just argues too much and doesn't know how to be a lady." But last night I was me, sarcastic and opinionated, I wasn't looked at like I was fucking crazy, in fact, when I said, "I don't hold much stock in men who leads with their penises" I got a laugh from a male and a comment from a female, "exactly, because when they lead with their penises there's not much behind it." So, I was myself and I got offers of help and I learned that being me might get exhausting but it's better than being exhausted for trying to be someone that I'm not.
In retrospect, I realize that I have once again grown up a little. I don't see growing up as a finite thing but as something that comes in stages and never really ends and last night I reached a new level of adulthood. I've outgrown the parties of my graduate years. I know longer desire to get so drunk that my head feels like it's immersed in a water filled fish bowl. I don't want to out in the parking lot of a bar (because the place closed at midnight & we're still too inebriated to drive) till 4 a.m. talking music, literature and politics. Those times were great and I have no regrets but I've changed. I still want the discussions but I want to leave at 10 p.m. and be sober enough to drive.
So, I'm leaving my "youth" and becoming more an an adult. I think that this plain of adulthood consists of security in who you are and not being embarrassed by it and help comes when you're you. I'm sure there's more to it but I just go there so I've gotta take a better look around. I'll keep you posted on what I find.
Last night I went to my friend's birthday dinner. The guests included several professors from the English department, which makes sense considering she is an adjunct in the department. But for some reason I hadn't really thought about the guest list. I was going to celebrate her birthday with her. So, when we got there and I saw some of the other guests I felt fairly intimidated. There were no less than three of my former professors there. These are people that I respect and want to be but have no idea how to even do that.
So, there I am watching and listening for a while until I finally decided I needed to just dive in and once I did it was pretty awesome. We talked about recent articles on NPR and in the New York Times online edition, students at the college, and thoughts on education. Everyone I talked to listened and shared their thoughts with me as an equal and not as a student getting ready to write a paper for them.
I was asked what I was doing now that I'd graduated and I explained that I was applying for adjunct positions and still working at my current job. I suffixed everything by saying that though I like my position, I have a masters and I shouldn't be a secretary. I was given two different offers of help and I'm going to take them as soon as possible. One was taking a class that would certify me to teach a tech writing class and the other was to guest lecture in a class which would earn me a recommendation if I can pull it off. I told them that I would definitely take them up on their offers to help and I will.
What's funny, is that earlier in the day I was speculating on how different my life would be if I wasn't so opinionated and outspoken. I've grown up with an inner conflict rolling around inside of me. There's the part of me who wants to be the Disney Princess who is always kind and caring and never fights and then there's the crazy warrior woman who scowls and shouts and always fights. I want so much to be that quiet and hardworking woman that people always talk about with admiration. "Oh she's the sweetest, most charming and demure person I know. When she stood up for a cause she was a lady doing it." However, most of the time I'm a loud mouth, "She's the most obnoxious, sarcastic bitch I know. She just argues too much and doesn't know how to be a lady." But last night I was me, sarcastic and opinionated, I wasn't looked at like I was fucking crazy, in fact, when I said, "I don't hold much stock in men who leads with their penises" I got a laugh from a male and a comment from a female, "exactly, because when they lead with their penises there's not much behind it." So, I was myself and I got offers of help and I learned that being me might get exhausting but it's better than being exhausted for trying to be someone that I'm not.
In retrospect, I realize that I have once again grown up a little. I don't see growing up as a finite thing but as something that comes in stages and never really ends and last night I reached a new level of adulthood. I've outgrown the parties of my graduate years. I know longer desire to get so drunk that my head feels like it's immersed in a water filled fish bowl. I don't want to out in the parking lot of a bar (because the place closed at midnight & we're still too inebriated to drive) till 4 a.m. talking music, literature and politics. Those times were great and I have no regrets but I've changed. I still want the discussions but I want to leave at 10 p.m. and be sober enough to drive.
So, I'm leaving my "youth" and becoming more an an adult. I think that this plain of adulthood consists of security in who you are and not being embarrassed by it and help comes when you're you. I'm sure there's more to it but I just go there so I've gotta take a better look around. I'll keep you posted on what I find.
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