A Poem by D.H. Lawrence

Kisses in the Train
by D.H. Lawrence (1886-1930)

I saw the midlands
Revolve through her hair;
The fields of autumn
Stretching bare,
And sheep on the pasture
Tossed back in a scare.

And still as ever
The world went round,
My mouth on her pulsing
Neck was found,
And my breast to her beating
Breast was bound.

But my heart at the centre
Of all, in a swound
Was still as a pivot,
As all the ground
On its prowling orbit
Shifted round.

And still in my nostrils
The scent of her flesh,
And still my wet mouth
Sought her afresh;
And still one pulse
Through the world did thresh.

And the world all whilring
Around in joy
Like the dance of a dervish
Did destroy
My sense--and my reason
Spun like a toy.

But firm at the centre
My heart was found;
her own to my perfect
Heart-beat bound,
Like a magnet's keeper
Closing the round. 

When Your Ex is on You Tube

So, what do you do when you discover your ex is on YouTube? If you're me you do what I did. 
First, I sat in shock for about five minutes until my boss came in and asked me why I looked so weird. I told him. He watched the video and I pointed out the ex. And bless my boss, he made a face of disbelief. It was the best validation. I could tell he was shocked that I would go out with someone who looked like my ex. I had to laugh and explain that my ex hadn't aged well and at one time he was very nice looking. He's not ugly now but like I said he definitely hasn't aged well.

Next, texted my friend Rachel, who answered, "Umm I guess he's famous...?" which made me laugh and was exactly what I needed.

Third, I told my friend Jenifer who had to look the video up and play, "Let me guess who he is." She guessed on the first try because, "he looks like your type."

Finally, I examined the jolt of pain I experienced yet again. I always have a little jolt of pain and I'm always trying to get away that I never really take the time to figure out why I'm hurting.

Although, it's been ten years now since the break up and I've healed. I still can't speak to him and when I see him I feel this little jolt of pain. It's not debilitating, just a pin prick, a reminder that a relationship I truly valued and a person I deeply loved didn't feel the same way.

I don't know if I'll ever stop feeling the pin prick of pain but I do know that I'm happy where I am. Yes, things aren't ideal but it keeps getting better.

P.S.  Even though I'm sharing this story, I think we still deserves some anonymity, especially him since he doesn't know I've seen the video.  So, I'm sorry, but I won't be sharing the video link or name of the video.

AOL Discovery

Today I had to sign onto my old AOL account to get a password for my old Yahoo account so that I could change information on an entirely different account.  It took about fifteen minutes and five windows to get everything situated correctly. 

It’s fascinating how much intangible crap you can accumulate on the internet.  To date I have 1 AOL account, 2 Yahoo accounts, 1 Gmail account and 1 work account.  Only actively use one yahoo account and the work account.  I keep the other accounts, namely the AOL and old Yahoo account for sentimental value.  They were my first email accounts and I’m attached to them even though I never use them.  I liken it to a woman’s Wedding Gown or a guy’s high school Letterman jacket.  You’ll never wear them again but they’re full of memories.

While I was on my AOL account I decided to check out my old contact list and found the email/screen name for a very special person in my life.  I immediately messaged him about my discovery, how it made me smile and observed that it was a life time ago.  He laughed, was glad I smiled and agreed it was a life time ago. 

We’ve known each other for fourteen years. When I think of the people we were when we first met I shake my head.  We’ve made a lot of mistakes.  We’ve done everything, good and bad, two people can do to each other in a life time and there’s still so much life left ahead of us.  We’ve grown up and we’re finally the people we need, want and should be to each other.  We love each other but at present, circumstances make it impossible for us to be together.  However, like I said we still have so much life left ahead of us, so it would be a shame for us not to have a chance to be together. 

The Reason and The Good Reason

So, I know it's been a week and a half since I last wrote however, I actually have a reason and a good reason.

The Reason

Lately, I haven't been able to think of anything I really want to write about.  Yes, I've had some ideas but I don't feel like dealing with the comments/opinions that will inevitable come when people start to read my liberal thoughts on politics, immigration, education and religion.  I don't mind these opinions and respect everyone's opinions but I've found that some people loose all sense of maturity and politeness on the Internet and say some really rude and nasty things.  I'm just not in the mood to deal with these types of people. 

Also, at the moment I just don't have the time or energy to really spend on topics that are extremely important to me, which leads me to my Good reason.

The Good Reason

Last week, I received the draft of my thesis, complete with comments and edit suggestions, back from my professor.  The hardest part of writing my thesis -- the writing-- is done.  So it's now time to focus on the editing, which is what I'm focusing my time and energy on.  I still intend to write my blog but it might not be as substantial as previous blogs and might be a week to a week and half between blogs.  

A Lesson in Crushes via Daria

I was watching Daria today.  For those who don't know who Daria is, it's a spin-off of MTV's Beavis and Butthead, at least, something good came from that stupid fucking show (can you tell I hate Beavis and Butthead?). 

Anyway, I was watching Daria today and I started thinking about Daria's crush on Trent and after about the third season or so, she stopped crushing on him.  There was never a big, "I'm over him" type episode it just sort of happened.  I remembered reading on some fan site about how people thought it was weird but honestly isn't that how crushes work?  How they're suppose to work? 

I have this friend, who I use to have a massive crush on but time and space have managed to change those feelings for me.  I still  have my moments when I turn green with jealousy but if I really had him I wouldn't want him. 

Crushes only last for as long as it take to really get to know the object of affection, once you know them really well one of maybe two things might happen.  He/she might reciporate your feelings or, like in my case, get to know your crush well enough to know that he/she isn't really right for you.    

In my case, I realized that although we have a lot in common, we have way too many diffences.  The differences are enough for me to know that I might like him, even love him but I'm not in love and never will be in love with him.  Once you realize there's no real love there, crushes kind of fade away. 
So, maybe Daria just realized, at some point when we weren't watching, that even though she liked/loved Trent she wasn't in love with him because they were too different.

OR maybe she just liked Tom enough to act on it...by stealing him from her best friend...er that's probably a different blog. 

*All images used are from fanpop.com

Part Two: A Beverage Review by Josh

So, Josh did an update to his Beverage Review which turned out to be perfect for me because I've been to preoccupied to really think of something to blog.  I promise I will get back on the ball and write my own blog but for the time being here is Part Two of Lap It Up.  

Wolf's Den Presents...

Lap It Up-  A Drink Guide to Thirst Quenching Soda, Sports Drinks, Tea, & Others.

Drink 9 -- Gatorade Series 02-Perform: Lemon Lime
Container: Plastic

Cool and tart but not so much that I'd expect to drink it and hear a little kid say “That'll be 1 dollar”, as if I'm drinking lemonade from a kids stand. Though Lemon Lime is a Gatorade product, to me it does seem a lot like lemonade, just with that “I'm cooling off after a workout.” feel. I've said it before and I'll say it each time, a Gatorade that doesn't leave me wanting to drink a big glass of cold water is the BEST kind of Gatorade. Lemon Lime doesn't make me want that, it makes me want sugar cookies or a PBJ while laying in a hammock. Actually to be very honest it makes me want to go and get another Lemon Lime Gatorade, not bad... not bad at all.

Grade 6 ½

*****************************