Just Keep Swimming

 

Twenty days ago, I was so excited to start writing again.  I had ideas and wanted to just ride the wave of creativity and then the wave became unsteady, I became unsteady, fell over, and got caught in the waves. 

The “waves” in this instance is depression and anxiety.  I take medication and I see a therapist but sometimes…sometimes it just happens. 

I read this article or post or something that said that when you’re caught in ocean waves, you’re not supposed to fight.  You’re supposed to swim parallel to the shore until you’re out of the current then head for land.  I’ve been caught in ocean waves before and it’s really hard to figure out which way is up when you’re at the mercy of the ocean – swirled around, bobbing to the surface just to be hit in the face by another wave of salty water, eyes stinging, mouth and throat coated in salt, lungs filled with liquid, no room for air.

That’s how depression and anxiety feel.  What makes it harder is you’re supposed to fight it; use your coping skills, remind yourself that it’s your brain playing tricks on you, talk to your therapist, take walks, take your meds…

just. keep. swimming

But it’s exhausting, your limbs hurt, your mouth is coated in salt, you’re choking on water, and your eyes are burning.

So, this is what I decided to write about because there’s nothing else, I can think to say.  It’s not glamorous, witty, thought provoking, or uplifting.  It’s just part of who I am and a part of my life.  I just keep swimming.