Yesterday, my new friend and I were talking about the reasons we do some of the things we do, after our conversation I thought over what I'd shared.
I've been known to willingly make some really stupid decisions in my relationships with people, men in particular. I know my friends often ask themselves, why does she continue to put herself in these situations. What I think drives them more insane is that no matter how mentally and emotionally painfully or how threatening to my physical being and lifestyle these situations I still do them, and I usually come out unscathed. Yes, I have a few bumps and bruises to my psyche but I generally come out with the perspective of, "Well, that was interesting." I also prolong the relationships or start them back up which I think is even more exasperating.
Yesterday, I reflected, not for the first time, as to why I do these really stupid things. I came up with some pretty honest realizations.
A Poem by Kim Addonizio
Fuck
There are people who will tell you
that using the word fuck in a poem
indicates a serious lapse
of taste, or imagination,
or both. It's vulgar,
indcorous, an obscenity
that crashes down like an anvil
falling through a skylight
to land on a restaurant table,
on the white linen, the cut-glass vase of lilacs.
But if you were sitting
over coffee when the metal
There are people who will tell you
that using the word fuck in a poem
indicates a serious lapse
of taste, or imagination,
or both. It's vulgar,
indcorous, an obscenity
that crashes down like an anvil
falling through a skylight
to land on a restaurant table,
on the white linen, the cut-glass vase of lilacs.
But if you were sitting
over coffee when the metal
Mrs. S
Last Saturday, I went with my best friend Rachel to visit her mother in the hospital. Her mom had been sick for a few months and had finally been admitted into the hospital. We visited for about an hour. While there we found out that her mother might have cancer. When we left we knew we had a battle ahead of us but we never thought time would get the better of us.
Sunday I received a text message from Rachel telling me that the hospital had called, asking her to come immediately. A few hours later I got that feeling you get when something has happened. I checked Facebook, typed in her dad's name and pulled up his profile and found well wishers, expressing their sympathies. I didn't want to believe it so I called Rachel. I got her voicemail and I knew without a doubt that the condolences I was reading on Mr. S's Facebook page were accurate. Mrs. S was gone.
Mrs. S had the most beautiful person I've ever met. She wasn't a thin, statuesque beauty. She was short and plump but she had the most beautiful smile and a sparkle to her eyes that rivaled any Hollywood beauty. Her faith in God and Jesus never wavered. Yet, she never pushed her beliefs on anyone. She was a true Christian. She loved completely and unconditionally.
I thank Mrs. S for giving me my best friend Rachel. And I am lucky to have known Mrs. S and been loved by her. I will always love and miss her.
Sunday I received a text message from Rachel telling me that the hospital had called, asking her to come immediately. A few hours later I got that feeling you get when something has happened. I checked Facebook, typed in her dad's name and pulled up his profile and found well wishers, expressing their sympathies. I didn't want to believe it so I called Rachel. I got her voicemail and I knew without a doubt that the condolences I was reading on Mr. S's Facebook page were accurate. Mrs. S was gone.
Mrs. S had the most beautiful person I've ever met. She wasn't a thin, statuesque beauty. She was short and plump but she had the most beautiful smile and a sparkle to her eyes that rivaled any Hollywood beauty. Her faith in God and Jesus never wavered. Yet, she never pushed her beliefs on anyone. She was a true Christian. She loved completely and unconditionally.
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